So, what is it? After about two months of posting on this blog stress-free, I decided to go public on facebook and at work that I was doing the blog. What was an outlet for me to write and just be me, became all of a sudden stressful. What is it about putting yourself out there that brings pressure?
It stems from expectations. Prior to going public, the only expectation that I had of myself was to enjoy what I was writing. I started to write this blog as a place where I can be as real as I want to be…a place to bring together the parts of my life. Prior to blogging, I found myself having so many things that I wanted to say and so many stories that I wanted to tell. I never had a place for it in my life. My relationshps, my job and my lack of vulernability just didn’t allow for it. This blog became a place to channel this energy with no fear and no expectations.
Now, I have lifted the my expectations of myself. In the process, I became afraid of exposure and failure. I am hoping that writing about it tonight helps to alleviate this fear and to release my expectations. Introduce uncomfortable.
As I worked on blog topics for this week (which I hope will all show the light of day), this one was the one that I thought I could do. My commitment for this week is to work hard to not fear putting myself out there. Step 1: This blog post.